Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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