Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
