Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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