so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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