I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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