Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
