I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she peed on how many people?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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