Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if i can run in heels then i can drive
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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