all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
