i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
