I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
