Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
