We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
