Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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