uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
