apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
