yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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