OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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