the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Duck Duck Cougar?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
