i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
