none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
