then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
