You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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