dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
