Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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