I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
