i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So squirting runs in the family.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
