Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
