I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize