I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
