in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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