okay pat passed out under dana's car
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
