her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Randomize
