First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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