My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
