i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
