Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize