Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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