I'm gonna have a badass scar
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
