dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He better not be in your backpack
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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