i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
