Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
