so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
