It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
