wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
