I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
