What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize