we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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