omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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