Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
PS: I just woke up from my shower
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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