You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
