He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
