Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
