i love accidental penises.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
