So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
