He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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