I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
