If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
