god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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