Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just found a bag of teeth...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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